Top 20 Songs of 2008

Summary: What did we learn?
Well, in 2008 we learned that there will never be a shortage of absurd rap songs that should make most English-speaking Americans ashamed of the country's public education system. We learned that Girls Aloud continue to trump expectations by putting out their fifth totally amazing studio album. We also learned that an Oxford comma is an unlikely title for a rather amazing song. In 2008, we learned that Madonna seriously ought to stop recording music. We also learned that we have taken a time machine back to 1999, because Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears were yet again facing off on charts. Of course, Britney has won this showdown spectacularly. Overall, I'd say a rather average year for music, but let's break down the notable highlights:

20. Sam Sparro "Black & Gold"
Semi-religious dance tune by one sexy gay Aussie (!!!)
Australian wunderkind records beautiful, melodic piece of electronic pop where he sings about God or something of that sort. Never fear, religious-phobes - he told a British magazine earlier this year that he's gay, therefore we can all breathe easy in knowing he's not going to start showing up on Christian compilation albums (are you listening, Amy Grant?)



19. Tilly and the Wall "Beat Control"
Inspirational tune for hipsters!
Ms. Tilly and her wall just want you all to dance and have a good time. Here some guitars, there some drum machines that were seemingly ripped from the last Justice album, and to top it all off a nice little hook that goes "there is nothing stopping you, there is nothing stopping me/so let the beat control your body!"



18. The Saturdays "Up"
Their claims to not wanting protection should alarm safe-sex advocates.
A poor man's Girls Aloud, you might say, but The Saturdays certainly have the brains to pick up an ace tune, and that ace tune happens to be an electro ditty called "Up". Something about way they're nagging some dude to stop dicking around and give 'em the nasty is wonderfully addictive.



17. The Ting Tings "Shut Up And Let Me Go"
We get it, your name's not Stacey.
They took their homeland by surprise with the UK number-one "That's Not My Name", then took American audiences for a ride when "Shut Up And Let Me Go" landed a surprise Video of the Year nomination at this year's MTV awards. Along with that video that really doesn't make any sense, "Shut Up And Let Me Go" boasts a percolating groove and funk guitars that Chic would've killed to have written back in the day.



16. Lady GaGa "Just Dance"
Not an appropriate song to play at this year's Alcoholics Anonymous New Year's party.
We can forgive the fact that Akon appears as a co-writer and co-producer on the credits, because the GaGa owns this...and because it's just too much fun to dance to when you're drunk. Which is precisely what the song is about, so kudos for sticking to the point.



15. Black Kids "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You"
Can you at least sign him up for some ballroom lessons?
Basically a pseudo-indie rock "jam" about one pretty rude guy who realizes the only way he'll keep the girl of his dreams interested is by dissing her boyfriend's moves on the dance floor. What's wrong with just telling her the dude is a wanker?



14. Annie "My Love Is Better"
A pretty outrageous claim, if I may say so.
Her love is better than what? Than global warming? Than blowjobs? Than reruns of The Office? No, my friends, these are all wrong. Her love is better than YOUR love. And you know something else? Her heart is better than YOUR heart. While we're at it, bitches, her moves are better than YOUR moves also. Put that in your rice maker and steam it (don't ever make that joke again).



13. Santogold "L.E.S. Artistes"
From the album where she's vomiting glitter on the cover.
Some critic claimed that "L.E.S. Artistes" is the best indie song since Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps", and that's not far off the mark. Combining the raw feel of American lo-fi with dashes of shiny electropop and the subdued vibes of a Tegan and Sara track, Santogold strikes the right balance between making a quirky art-house anthem and just making a plain old great song. To sum this all up, they're a group to keep your eye on.



12. Yelle "Amour du Sol"
She can speak French, and she lets the funky music do the talking.
The first lady of French electropop can spellbind us regardless of what language she speaks. It just helps that French happens to be a lot of fun to sing along to, even if it makes no sense and leaves you completely tongue-tied. Yelle implores her sassy vocals to deliver a rather cutesy quasi-ballad instead of the no-holds-barred wackiness of her previous hit, "Je Veux Te Voir". Definitely worth "a spin".



11. Ladyhawke "Manipulating Woman"
A catfight is never an overdone subject in pop music.
Somebody in the Ladyhawke camp is bearing a grudge against some conniving twat out there. If you're not already running for the hills when she sings "you're so completely evil" in her matter-of-fact, slightly disinterested vocal, you might be crazy. Oh and it's a good pop song, well done, blah blah blah.



10. Goldfrapp "A&E"
There will be no broadcasting of The Golden Girls or Murder, She Wrote over here.
Frankly, "A&E" is quite beautiful but completely the opposite of what we were expecting. Gone are the glam stomps of "Ooh La La" and "Strict Machine", and instead there's lovely piano hues and surreal, melancholy lyrics. No complaints here, though. One would be hard pressed to find someone like those drag queens in the Pussycat Dolls coming up with something nearly as interesting.



9. Britney Spears "Break The Ice"
You say she's crazy…well she's got your crazy… Every minute of "Break The Ice" speaks of urgency, of frustration, of sex; from the way she insists "you ain't gotta be scared, we're grown now" in a pitch teetering on the brink of helium to the rave sirens calling for Ms. Spears to get to the point. That doesn't cover the ominous bass rumble and clobbering drums that threaten to beat down every watt inside your speakers. Bonkers as she might have been while recording Blackout, Britney Spears clearly retained some portions of her sanity to record vocals for quite possibly the most amazing tune of her career.



8. Gabriella Cilmi "Sweet About Me"
Calm down, grandpa, she's only sixteen.
The way she croons "nothing sweet about me" with dainty sarcasm can knock out most divas twice her age. The lilting jazz swing and strummy guitars contrast rather sharply with the storming electronic fests Xenomania tends to great for their chief customers, Girls Aloud, but their trademark knack for catchy hooks and witty lyrics show Brian Higgins and company, thankfully, haven't lost any of their creative steam.



7. of Montreal "Jimmy"
Oh, so you've also got a globe-trotting boyfriend that's never home?Indie darlings cover a track performed by another indie darling, thus doubling the power of indie darlingness and driving the blogosphere wild. Well, congratulations of Montreal. That's exactly what you've done.



6. Kings of Leon "Sex On Fire"
Somebody fetch the hose!
The British decided they liked their sex with a bit of pyrotechnics, and made "Sex On Fire" number 1 for about eighty years. In America, only college kids and bloggers seemed to care, while the rest of the populace felt content with sending Soulja Boy to the top of the charts. Any wonder why the terrorists hate us?



5. Vampire Weekend "Oxford Comma"
Do you know what an Oxford comma is, Sarah Palin?
One has to wonder what sort of business an Oxford comma has in a rock song, and the New York prep school dudes in Vampire Weekend don't necessarily clarify that. All the same, it's brilliant and one of the top five greatest songs of the year. Pat yourselves on the back, you vampires.



4. M.I.A. "Paper Planes"
Gunshots! Cash registers! Visas! Weed! (Just another Tuesday night for me)
Here, M.I.A. samples The Clash, makes claims about having more records than the KGB, has become a mainstream phenomenon after years of being the toast of hipster blogs, oh and she announced her retirement right before this song zoomed into the top 10, but then changed that statement and announced she was pregnant instead. And you thought Britney Spears was hard to keep up with...



3. Hot Chip "Ready For the Floor"
They can't hear your voice, do they have a choice? (Get a hearing aid.)
Rubbery synths and computers collide in what could best be described as something sounding like Human League joining forces with Sesame Street. Oscar the Grouch certainly couldn't come up with something this brilliant, so in the end Hot Chip wins.




2. MGMT "Electric Feel"
Amazing amazing amazing amazing etc.
MGMT was all the rage at this year's Coachella festival, and their debut Oracular Spectacular has earned them praises from the typical music industry bibles- NME, Spin, etc. All that is great and dandy, but "Electric Feel" in particular is a whopper of a tune. It glides effortlessly from the get-go along a sultry wave of a sound, sporting a falsetto that would give the Scissor Sisters a run for their money and enough hooks to clear out the Yukon River. Its ability to dually capture a sound that is familiarly retro and yet very in-the-moment only adds to the song's many quirky charms.



1. Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind"
Could also become the most amazing song of 2009.
Really, you can't knock Girls Aloud for wanting to do nothing more than record a blissful, stylish pop song, which is precisely what "The Loving Kind" is. So it's not a barnstormer like one or two of the other songs on Out Of Control, it's nothing like "Biology" (get over it people…how can you expect anyone to repeat something so amazing?), and it's a bit too similar to "Call The Shots". And to all these things I say, big fucking deal. I agree that it's not the most amazing piece of music they have ever done, but I will say that it's probably one of their top five greatest songs ever. The aching lyrics (courtesy of the Pet Shop Boys- you know you can't go wrong there), Nicola's heart-wrenching pleas on the line "I'd do anything, sing songs that lovers sing", a chorus that will more or less find itself a semi-permanent place to live inside your head. I don't see what half of Girls Aloud's fans are criticizing this track for, to me it's superb and just lovely. And frankly, those are all the reasons I need to name it the greatest song of 2008.