FAQ about Mp3s and Cookies.

Question:
Why do you hate Beyonce so much?

Answer:
Beyonce is an overrated cow who continues to leap from success to success for reasons that I still find completely inexplicable, considering her music provides some of the poorest entertainment I have ever found in a modern pop star. I used to enjoy Beyonce back in Destiny's Child (then again I was 15, so cut me some slack here) and when she released "Crazy In Love". ALL RIGHT I GIVE HER CREDIT FOR THAT SONG, IT IS QUITE AMAZING. But then she released that Pink Panther single, and then "Deja Vu" was unleashed, and then the B'Day album and the 27 singles released from that album even though there were only ten tracks on that album, and then that Shakira duet and GOOD GOD WOMAN I have crusty old gym socks that are more enjoyable.

Question:
Why do you love Girls Aloud so much?

Answer:
The response to this question is basically the exact opposite of what I said about Beyonce. Girls Aloud are five entertaining girls full of personality, even if they lack strong vocal abilities (i.e., abilities to scream into your ears, in that Beyonce way of things). Girls Aloud also have the greatest songwriting/producing team ever (Xenomania) working with them and creating some of the most interesting, inventive, clever and amusing pop songs of the decade. Girls Aloud would never record a crap song like "Deja Vu", or "Check On It", or "If I Were A Boy", or whatever that new song is about being single and putting rings on it or something of that sort. Girls Aloud instead have recorded songs such as "The Show", "Love Machine", "Biology", "Graffiti My Soul", "It's Magic", "Sexy! No No No...", "Call The Shots", "The Loving Kind", "Watch Me Go", "Control Of the Knife", "Girl Overboard", "The Promise", "Untouchable", etc. etc. etc.

Question:
Why do you hate Christina Aguilera?

Answer:
Sure, she can cram 120 notes into a single lyric, but this doesn't excuse the abundance of terrible songs ("Keeps Getting Better", "Can't Hold Us Down", that entire album about how she travelled in a time machine back to 1943) and an ego the size of Amy Winehouse's hair. I would respect Christina more if she were a bit like Leona Lewis- "I've got a very good voice, yes, but I was also raised by human beings instead of being told every moment of my life that I am the queen of the universe". Whereas Ms. Aguilera's philosophy is- "I won a Grammy when I was 18, so obviously I'm the greatest force behind contemporary music and each time I dye my hair black or dress like a Taiwanese prostitute or blatantly rip off Marilyn Monroe it's just another astounding artistic statement, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla....(usually the sounds that I hear whenever I see her talking on the television)".

Question:
When are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs going to release their new album?

Answer:
Whenever they stop dicking around in the countryside or wherever the hell they are.

Question:
Why are you so rude and foul-mouthed in this blog?

Answer:
Because your mother's a whore.

Etc.