These days it is a bit useless to rank which years offered better music than others. Not only do you have to consider everyone's different tastes ("tastes"), but inevitably you have to take into account that describing music as "good" is entirely arbitrary. So sure, I despise Beyonce and Christina Aguilera, but the guy two feet away from me might very well think they are the most brilliant minxes to ever come in contact with Planet Earth. Despite the fact that this would force me to bash his head in with a Girls Aloud CD, I still ultimately have to respect that opinion ("opinion"). So, what does this have to do with summarizing 2008 in music? Not much, I'm afraid.
...
But the argument I'm trying to get at is it's rather impossible to compare one year's musical superiority to another. Back when I was a teenager, I thought 2002 was a rather incredible year. Kylie Minogue had gotten her big break in the US, all these cheesy dance songs by DJ Sammy, Ian Van Dahl, DJ Encore, and Lasgo were making waves, No Doubt had two great singles that year with "Hella Good" and "Underneath It All". In my opinion, quite a strong year. But that's just it- it's only my opinion.
So who's to go and say that 2008 wasn't the greatest year or wasn't the worst year? For my personal tastes, it was rather average save for a handful of brilliant moments. The new Girls Aloud album, for instance. Though I love it and will continue to worship them until they truly record something horrific enough to derail my affections ("Walk This Way" wasn't bad enough to do that?), I'll admit after having listened to the album for two months now, Out Of Control is not their best work yet. It's sparkled with some brilliant touches ("The Loving Kind", "Untouchable", "Miss You Bow Wow"), but as a whole it doesn't feel as adventurous, as edgy, as balls-to-the-walls.
THIS ISN'T A GIRLS ALOUD ALBUM REVIEW FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, but I think you get my point. The brilliant moments from 2008 were rather brilliant (Hot Chip, MGMT, Lykke Li, Goldfrapp, Kings of Leon, et cetera), but everything else - sort of ho hum. Even the shit songs weren't as amazingly shit as previous years (with the exception of Madonna). So musically, a rather stagnant year, which I suppose is fine considering everything else in the world went to bitter hell this year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Merry Christmas, here are some crap songs.
Well we've already banged on about the more likeable music of 2008. But what about the tunes that drove most people to plunge daggers into their eardrums? Let's have a look then, shall we?
Ten Worst Songs of 2008
10. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy"
How many times is a pop star going to discuss gender double-standards? Apparently Beyonce doesn't think there's been enough times. Great for feminism, bad for our ears.
(Rather than subject my readers to watch Ms. Knowles howl her way through this song, I thought I'd spare you and have you watch The Sims instead.)
9. Beyonce "Single Ladies"
Sorry, Beyonce, but you release two singles in 2008 then you're going to get two entries on my shit list. That's just how the world works.
a
8. Sugababes "Girls"
Once upon a time, they were the hippest pop band in Britain. Classics such as "Overload", "Freak Like Me", "Round Round", "Hole In the Head" and "Push the Button" reeked of a restrained, knowing coolness, while their slightly warped electro productions made critics gaggle with delight. Sadly, Sugababes have officially begun playing second-fiddle to Girls Aloud, as "Girls" is the most atrocious single of their career.
7. Christina Aguilera "Keeps Getting Better"
Not only did she rip off Lady GaGa and Goldfrapp, but Christina Aguilera also managed to be humorous with the song's title! "Keeps Getting Better"? Absolutely not!
6. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life"
That's very well that people think T.I. is an important voice in rap, but frankly aren't we all a bit tired of listening to Rihanna guest-starring on people's records and having her vocals digitally altered to the point where it's blatantly obvious that the woman can't hold a note on her own? Then there's the "Mai A Hee" sample to add further insult to injury.
5. Pussycat Dolls "When I Grow Up"
Let's see...did you ladies tell your mothers that when you grew up you wanted to join a band where you all would be completely useless except for the one that always sings (and not very well, mind you), and that you'd all slightly resemble D-list transvestites? If so, then dreams really can come true.
4. Soujla Boy "Yah!"
Needs no further explanation.
(No video shall be posted. We want you to live to 2009.)
3. Kid Rock "All Summer Long"
A) Kid Rock. B) Ruining Lynyrd Skynyrd. C) Kid Rock ruining Lynyrd Skynyrd.
2. Akon "Right Now (Na Na Na)"
I'll never understand how the educated populace fails to realize the continued insults this man contributes to music.
1. Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake "4 Minutes"
If we're lucky, we've only got 4 minutes left to Madonna's career. For a woman who has never been a gifted vocalist by any means, the Material Girl certainly has made her fair share of important, trend-setting pop music ("Like A Prayer", "Express Yourself", "Ray Of Light", anyone?). Until she decided to employ producer-by-the-numbers Timbaland and create something that sounds like it should have been a B-side on Gwen Stefani's last bad solo album.
Ten Worst Songs of 2008
10. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy"
How many times is a pop star going to discuss gender double-standards? Apparently Beyonce doesn't think there's been enough times. Great for feminism, bad for our ears.
(Rather than subject my readers to watch Ms. Knowles howl her way through this song, I thought I'd spare you and have you watch The Sims instead.)
9. Beyonce "Single Ladies"
Sorry, Beyonce, but you release two singles in 2008 then you're going to get two entries on my shit list. That's just how the world works.
a
8. Sugababes "Girls"
Once upon a time, they were the hippest pop band in Britain. Classics such as "Overload", "Freak Like Me", "Round Round", "Hole In the Head" and "Push the Button" reeked of a restrained, knowing coolness, while their slightly warped electro productions made critics gaggle with delight. Sadly, Sugababes have officially begun playing second-fiddle to Girls Aloud, as "Girls" is the most atrocious single of their career.
7. Christina Aguilera "Keeps Getting Better"
Not only did she rip off Lady GaGa and Goldfrapp, but Christina Aguilera also managed to be humorous with the song's title! "Keeps Getting Better"? Absolutely not!
6. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life"
That's very well that people think T.I. is an important voice in rap, but frankly aren't we all a bit tired of listening to Rihanna guest-starring on people's records and having her vocals digitally altered to the point where it's blatantly obvious that the woman can't hold a note on her own? Then there's the "Mai A Hee" sample to add further insult to injury.
5. Pussycat Dolls "When I Grow Up"
Let's see...did you ladies tell your mothers that when you grew up you wanted to join a band where you all would be completely useless except for the one that always sings (and not very well, mind you), and that you'd all slightly resemble D-list transvestites? If so, then dreams really can come true.
4. Soujla Boy "Yah!"
Needs no further explanation.
(No video shall be posted. We want you to live to 2009.)
3. Kid Rock "All Summer Long"
A) Kid Rock. B) Ruining Lynyrd Skynyrd. C) Kid Rock ruining Lynyrd Skynyrd.
2. Akon "Right Now (Na Na Na)"
I'll never understand how the educated populace fails to realize the continued insults this man contributes to music.
1. Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake "4 Minutes"
If we're lucky, we've only got 4 minutes left to Madonna's career. For a woman who has never been a gifted vocalist by any means, the Material Girl certainly has made her fair share of important, trend-setting pop music ("Like A Prayer", "Express Yourself", "Ray Of Light", anyone?). Until she decided to employ producer-by-the-numbers Timbaland and create something that sounds like it should have been a B-side on Gwen Stefani's last bad solo album.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Top 20 Songs of 2008
Summary: What did we learn?
Well, in 2008 we learned that there will never be a shortage of absurd rap songs that should make most English-speaking Americans ashamed of the country's public education system. We learned that Girls Aloud continue to trump expectations by putting out their fifth totally amazing studio album. We also learned that an Oxford comma is an unlikely title for a rather amazing song. In 2008, we learned that Madonna seriously ought to stop recording music. We also learned that we have taken a time machine back to 1999, because Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears were yet again facing off on charts. Of course, Britney has won this showdown spectacularly. Overall, I'd say a rather average year for music, but let's break down the notable highlights:
20. Sam Sparro "Black & Gold"
Semi-religious dance tune by one sexy gay Aussie (!!!)
Australian wunderkind records beautiful, melodic piece of electronic pop where he sings about God or something of that sort. Never fear, religious-phobes - he told a British magazine earlier this year that he's gay, therefore we can all breathe easy in knowing he's not going to start showing up on Christian compilation albums (are you listening, Amy Grant?)
19. Tilly and the Wall "Beat Control"
Inspirational tune for hipsters!
Ms. Tilly and her wall just want you all to dance and have a good time. Here some guitars, there some drum machines that were seemingly ripped from the last Justice album, and to top it all off a nice little hook that goes "there is nothing stopping you, there is nothing stopping me/so let the beat control your body!"
18. The Saturdays "Up"
Their claims to not wanting protection should alarm safe-sex advocates.
A poor man's Girls Aloud, you might say, but The Saturdays certainly have the brains to pick up an ace tune, and that ace tune happens to be an electro ditty called "Up". Something about way they're nagging some dude to stop dicking around and give 'em the nasty is wonderfully addictive.
17. The Ting Tings "Shut Up And Let Me Go"
We get it, your name's not Stacey.
They took their homeland by surprise with the UK number-one "That's Not My Name", then took American audiences for a ride when "Shut Up And Let Me Go" landed a surprise Video of the Year nomination at this year's MTV awards. Along with that video that really doesn't make any sense, "Shut Up And Let Me Go" boasts a percolating groove and funk guitars that Chic would've killed to have written back in the day.
16. Lady GaGa "Just Dance"
Not an appropriate song to play at this year's Alcoholics Anonymous New Year's party.
We can forgive the fact that Akon appears as a co-writer and co-producer on the credits, because the GaGa owns this...and because it's just too much fun to dance to when you're drunk. Which is precisely what the song is about, so kudos for sticking to the point.
15. Black Kids "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You"
Can you at least sign him up for some ballroom lessons?
Basically a pseudo-indie rock "jam" about one pretty rude guy who realizes the only way he'll keep the girl of his dreams interested is by dissing her boyfriend's moves on the dance floor. What's wrong with just telling her the dude is a wanker?
14. Annie "My Love Is Better"
A pretty outrageous claim, if I may say so.
Her love is better than what? Than global warming? Than blowjobs? Than reruns of The Office? No, my friends, these are all wrong. Her love is better than YOUR love. And you know something else? Her heart is better than YOUR heart. While we're at it, bitches, her moves are better than YOUR moves also. Put that in your rice maker and steam it (don't ever make that joke again).
13. Santogold "L.E.S. Artistes"
From the album where she's vomiting glitter on the cover.
Some critic claimed that "L.E.S. Artistes" is the best indie song since Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps", and that's not far off the mark. Combining the raw feel of American lo-fi with dashes of shiny electropop and the subdued vibes of a Tegan and Sara track, Santogold strikes the right balance between making a quirky art-house anthem and just making a plain old great song. To sum this all up, they're a group to keep your eye on.
12. Yelle "Amour du Sol"
She can speak French, and she lets the funky music do the talking.
The first lady of French electropop can spellbind us regardless of what language she speaks. It just helps that French happens to be a lot of fun to sing along to, even if it makes no sense and leaves you completely tongue-tied. Yelle implores her sassy vocals to deliver a rather cutesy quasi-ballad instead of the no-holds-barred wackiness of her previous hit, "Je Veux Te Voir". Definitely worth "a spin".
11. Ladyhawke "Manipulating Woman"
A catfight is never an overdone subject in pop music.
Somebody in the Ladyhawke camp is bearing a grudge against some conniving twat out there. If you're not already running for the hills when she sings "you're so completely evil" in her matter-of-fact, slightly disinterested vocal, you might be crazy. Oh and it's a good pop song, well done, blah blah blah.
10. Goldfrapp "A&E"
There will be no broadcasting of The Golden Girls or Murder, She Wrote over here.
Frankly, "A&E" is quite beautiful but completely the opposite of what we were expecting. Gone are the glam stomps of "Ooh La La" and "Strict Machine", and instead there's lovely piano hues and surreal, melancholy lyrics. No complaints here, though. One would be hard pressed to find someone like those drag queens in the Pussycat Dolls coming up with something nearly as interesting.
9. Britney Spears "Break The Ice"
You say she's crazy…well she's got your crazy… Every minute of "Break The Ice" speaks of urgency, of frustration, of sex; from the way she insists "you ain't gotta be scared, we're grown now" in a pitch teetering on the brink of helium to the rave sirens calling for Ms. Spears to get to the point. That doesn't cover the ominous bass rumble and clobbering drums that threaten to beat down every watt inside your speakers. Bonkers as she might have been while recording Blackout, Britney Spears clearly retained some portions of her sanity to record vocals for quite possibly the most amazing tune of her career.
8. Gabriella Cilmi "Sweet About Me"
Calm down, grandpa, she's only sixteen.
The way she croons "nothing sweet about me" with dainty sarcasm can knock out most divas twice her age. The lilting jazz swing and strummy guitars contrast rather sharply with the storming electronic fests Xenomania tends to great for their chief customers, Girls Aloud, but their trademark knack for catchy hooks and witty lyrics show Brian Higgins and company, thankfully, haven't lost any of their creative steam.
7. of Montreal "Jimmy"
Oh, so you've also got a globe-trotting boyfriend that's never home?Indie darlings cover a track performed by another indie darling, thus doubling the power of indie darlingness and driving the blogosphere wild. Well, congratulations of Montreal. That's exactly what you've done.
6. Kings of Leon "Sex On Fire"
Somebody fetch the hose!
The British decided they liked their sex with a bit of pyrotechnics, and made "Sex On Fire" number 1 for about eighty years. In America, only college kids and bloggers seemed to care, while the rest of the populace felt content with sending Soulja Boy to the top of the charts. Any wonder why the terrorists hate us?
5. Vampire Weekend "Oxford Comma"
Do you know what an Oxford comma is, Sarah Palin?
One has to wonder what sort of business an Oxford comma has in a rock song, and the New York prep school dudes in Vampire Weekend don't necessarily clarify that. All the same, it's brilliant and one of the top five greatest songs of the year. Pat yourselves on the back, you vampires.
4. M.I.A. "Paper Planes"
Gunshots! Cash registers! Visas! Weed! (Just another Tuesday night for me)
Here, M.I.A. samples The Clash, makes claims about having more records than the KGB, has become a mainstream phenomenon after years of being the toast of hipster blogs, oh and she announced her retirement right before this song zoomed into the top 10, but then changed that statement and announced she was pregnant instead. And you thought Britney Spears was hard to keep up with...
3. Hot Chip "Ready For the Floor"
They can't hear your voice, do they have a choice? (Get a hearing aid.)
Rubbery synths and computers collide in what could best be described as something sounding like Human League joining forces with Sesame Street. Oscar the Grouch certainly couldn't come up with something this brilliant, so in the end Hot Chip wins.
2. MGMT "Electric Feel"
Amazing amazing amazing amazing etc.
MGMT was all the rage at this year's Coachella festival, and their debut Oracular Spectacular has earned them praises from the typical music industry bibles- NME, Spin, etc. All that is great and dandy, but "Electric Feel" in particular is a whopper of a tune. It glides effortlessly from the get-go along a sultry wave of a sound, sporting a falsetto that would give the Scissor Sisters a run for their money and enough hooks to clear out the Yukon River. Its ability to dually capture a sound that is familiarly retro and yet very in-the-moment only adds to the song's many quirky charms.
1. Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind"
Could also become the most amazing song of 2009.
Really, you can't knock Girls Aloud for wanting to do nothing more than record a blissful, stylish pop song, which is precisely what "The Loving Kind" is. So it's not a barnstormer like one or two of the other songs on Out Of Control, it's nothing like "Biology" (get over it people…how can you expect anyone to repeat something so amazing?), and it's a bit too similar to "Call The Shots". And to all these things I say, big fucking deal. I agree that it's not the most amazing piece of music they have ever done, but I will say that it's probably one of their top five greatest songs ever. The aching lyrics (courtesy of the Pet Shop Boys- you know you can't go wrong there), Nicola's heart-wrenching pleas on the line "I'd do anything, sing songs that lovers sing", a chorus that will more or less find itself a semi-permanent place to live inside your head. I don't see what half of Girls Aloud's fans are criticizing this track for, to me it's superb and just lovely. And frankly, those are all the reasons I need to name it the greatest song of 2008.
Well, in 2008 we learned that there will never be a shortage of absurd rap songs that should make most English-speaking Americans ashamed of the country's public education system. We learned that Girls Aloud continue to trump expectations by putting out their fifth totally amazing studio album. We also learned that an Oxford comma is an unlikely title for a rather amazing song. In 2008, we learned that Madonna seriously ought to stop recording music. We also learned that we have taken a time machine back to 1999, because Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears were yet again facing off on charts. Of course, Britney has won this showdown spectacularly. Overall, I'd say a rather average year for music, but let's break down the notable highlights:
20. Sam Sparro "Black & Gold"
Semi-religious dance tune by one sexy gay Aussie (!!!)
Australian wunderkind records beautiful, melodic piece of electronic pop where he sings about God or something of that sort. Never fear, religious-phobes - he told a British magazine earlier this year that he's gay, therefore we can all breathe easy in knowing he's not going to start showing up on Christian compilation albums (are you listening, Amy Grant?)
19. Tilly and the Wall "Beat Control"
Inspirational tune for hipsters!
Ms. Tilly and her wall just want you all to dance and have a good time. Here some guitars, there some drum machines that were seemingly ripped from the last Justice album, and to top it all off a nice little hook that goes "there is nothing stopping you, there is nothing stopping me/so let the beat control your body!"
18. The Saturdays "Up"
Their claims to not wanting protection should alarm safe-sex advocates.
A poor man's Girls Aloud, you might say, but The Saturdays certainly have the brains to pick up an ace tune, and that ace tune happens to be an electro ditty called "Up". Something about way they're nagging some dude to stop dicking around and give 'em the nasty is wonderfully addictive.
17. The Ting Tings "Shut Up And Let Me Go"
We get it, your name's not Stacey.
They took their homeland by surprise with the UK number-one "That's Not My Name", then took American audiences for a ride when "Shut Up And Let Me Go" landed a surprise Video of the Year nomination at this year's MTV awards. Along with that video that really doesn't make any sense, "Shut Up And Let Me Go" boasts a percolating groove and funk guitars that Chic would've killed to have written back in the day.
16. Lady GaGa "Just Dance"
Not an appropriate song to play at this year's Alcoholics Anonymous New Year's party.
We can forgive the fact that Akon appears as a co-writer and co-producer on the credits, because the GaGa owns this...and because it's just too much fun to dance to when you're drunk. Which is precisely what the song is about, so kudos for sticking to the point.
15. Black Kids "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You"
Can you at least sign him up for some ballroom lessons?
Basically a pseudo-indie rock "jam" about one pretty rude guy who realizes the only way he'll keep the girl of his dreams interested is by dissing her boyfriend's moves on the dance floor. What's wrong with just telling her the dude is a wanker?
14. Annie "My Love Is Better"
A pretty outrageous claim, if I may say so.
Her love is better than what? Than global warming? Than blowjobs? Than reruns of The Office? No, my friends, these are all wrong. Her love is better than YOUR love. And you know something else? Her heart is better than YOUR heart. While we're at it, bitches, her moves are better than YOUR moves also. Put that in your rice maker and steam it (don't ever make that joke again).
13. Santogold "L.E.S. Artistes"
From the album where she's vomiting glitter on the cover.
Some critic claimed that "L.E.S. Artistes" is the best indie song since Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps", and that's not far off the mark. Combining the raw feel of American lo-fi with dashes of shiny electropop and the subdued vibes of a Tegan and Sara track, Santogold strikes the right balance between making a quirky art-house anthem and just making a plain old great song. To sum this all up, they're a group to keep your eye on.
12. Yelle "Amour du Sol"
She can speak French, and she lets the funky music do the talking.
The first lady of French electropop can spellbind us regardless of what language she speaks. It just helps that French happens to be a lot of fun to sing along to, even if it makes no sense and leaves you completely tongue-tied. Yelle implores her sassy vocals to deliver a rather cutesy quasi-ballad instead of the no-holds-barred wackiness of her previous hit, "Je Veux Te Voir". Definitely worth "a spin".
11. Ladyhawke "Manipulating Woman"
A catfight is never an overdone subject in pop music.
Somebody in the Ladyhawke camp is bearing a grudge against some conniving twat out there. If you're not already running for the hills when she sings "you're so completely evil" in her matter-of-fact, slightly disinterested vocal, you might be crazy. Oh and it's a good pop song, well done, blah blah blah.
10. Goldfrapp "A&E"
There will be no broadcasting of The Golden Girls or Murder, She Wrote over here.
Frankly, "A&E" is quite beautiful but completely the opposite of what we were expecting. Gone are the glam stomps of "Ooh La La" and "Strict Machine", and instead there's lovely piano hues and surreal, melancholy lyrics. No complaints here, though. One would be hard pressed to find someone like those drag queens in the Pussycat Dolls coming up with something nearly as interesting.
9. Britney Spears "Break The Ice"
You say she's crazy…well she's got your crazy… Every minute of "Break The Ice" speaks of urgency, of frustration, of sex; from the way she insists "you ain't gotta be scared, we're grown now" in a pitch teetering on the brink of helium to the rave sirens calling for Ms. Spears to get to the point. That doesn't cover the ominous bass rumble and clobbering drums that threaten to beat down every watt inside your speakers. Bonkers as she might have been while recording Blackout, Britney Spears clearly retained some portions of her sanity to record vocals for quite possibly the most amazing tune of her career.
8. Gabriella Cilmi "Sweet About Me"
Calm down, grandpa, she's only sixteen.
The way she croons "nothing sweet about me" with dainty sarcasm can knock out most divas twice her age. The lilting jazz swing and strummy guitars contrast rather sharply with the storming electronic fests Xenomania tends to great for their chief customers, Girls Aloud, but their trademark knack for catchy hooks and witty lyrics show Brian Higgins and company, thankfully, haven't lost any of their creative steam.
7. of Montreal "Jimmy"
Oh, so you've also got a globe-trotting boyfriend that's never home?Indie darlings cover a track performed by another indie darling, thus doubling the power of indie darlingness and driving the blogosphere wild. Well, congratulations of Montreal. That's exactly what you've done.
6. Kings of Leon "Sex On Fire"
Somebody fetch the hose!
The British decided they liked their sex with a bit of pyrotechnics, and made "Sex On Fire" number 1 for about eighty years. In America, only college kids and bloggers seemed to care, while the rest of the populace felt content with sending Soulja Boy to the top of the charts. Any wonder why the terrorists hate us?
5. Vampire Weekend "Oxford Comma"
Do you know what an Oxford comma is, Sarah Palin?
One has to wonder what sort of business an Oxford comma has in a rock song, and the New York prep school dudes in Vampire Weekend don't necessarily clarify that. All the same, it's brilliant and one of the top five greatest songs of the year. Pat yourselves on the back, you vampires.
4. M.I.A. "Paper Planes"
Gunshots! Cash registers! Visas! Weed! (Just another Tuesday night for me)
Here, M.I.A. samples The Clash, makes claims about having more records than the KGB, has become a mainstream phenomenon after years of being the toast of hipster blogs, oh and she announced her retirement right before this song zoomed into the top 10, but then changed that statement and announced she was pregnant instead. And you thought Britney Spears was hard to keep up with...
3. Hot Chip "Ready For the Floor"
They can't hear your voice, do they have a choice? (Get a hearing aid.)
Rubbery synths and computers collide in what could best be described as something sounding like Human League joining forces with Sesame Street. Oscar the Grouch certainly couldn't come up with something this brilliant, so in the end Hot Chip wins.
2. MGMT "Electric Feel"
Amazing amazing amazing amazing etc.
MGMT was all the rage at this year's Coachella festival, and their debut Oracular Spectacular has earned them praises from the typical music industry bibles- NME, Spin, etc. All that is great and dandy, but "Electric Feel" in particular is a whopper of a tune. It glides effortlessly from the get-go along a sultry wave of a sound, sporting a falsetto that would give the Scissor Sisters a run for their money and enough hooks to clear out the Yukon River. Its ability to dually capture a sound that is familiarly retro and yet very in-the-moment only adds to the song's many quirky charms.
1. Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind"
Could also become the most amazing song of 2009.
Really, you can't knock Girls Aloud for wanting to do nothing more than record a blissful, stylish pop song, which is precisely what "The Loving Kind" is. So it's not a barnstormer like one or two of the other songs on Out Of Control, it's nothing like "Biology" (get over it people…how can you expect anyone to repeat something so amazing?), and it's a bit too similar to "Call The Shots". And to all these things I say, big fucking deal. I agree that it's not the most amazing piece of music they have ever done, but I will say that it's probably one of their top five greatest songs ever. The aching lyrics (courtesy of the Pet Shop Boys- you know you can't go wrong there), Nicola's heart-wrenching pleas on the line "I'd do anything, sing songs that lovers sing", a chorus that will more or less find itself a semi-permanent place to live inside your head. I don't see what half of Girls Aloud's fans are criticizing this track for, to me it's superb and just lovely. And frankly, those are all the reasons I need to name it the greatest song of 2008.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Billboard Hot 100
Let's see who's making all that racket on this week's singles chart.
Britney Spears is still double-fisting the top 10 with "Circus" (number 4) and "Womanizer" (number 6). Well done, young lady.
However, we can sadly report that Beyonce is doing the same with "Single Ladies" taking the top position and "If I Were A Boy" hanging in at number 9. Unfortunate.
Elsewhere, you have your Ne-yos, your T-Pains, your Rihannas, your American Idol "stars". Nothing worth reporting. Thank you again, America, for another riveting week in music.
Britney Spears is still double-fisting the top 10 with "Circus" (number 4) and "Womanizer" (number 6). Well done, young lady.
However, we can sadly report that Beyonce is doing the same with "Single Ladies" taking the top position and "If I Were A Boy" hanging in at number 9. Unfortunate.
Elsewhere, you have your Ne-yos, your T-Pains, your Rihannas, your American Idol "stars". Nothing worth reporting. Thank you again, America, for another riveting week in music.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Somebody better get this track on the Internet ASAP.
Saint Etienne has long been a very good British indie dance band, but they just might stumble upon greatness with a song called "Methods of Modern Love". It's due for release in February 2009 and it just might be the greatest single of 2009.
HOWEVER in order for me to establish the likelihood that it might end up in my top ten list in December 2009, I need to actually listen to the song and as of right now, Popjustice offers a 30-second clip of the song BUT THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN FIND IT.
Anyone who's "in the know" with Saint Etienne, please get it on the Web somehow.
HOWEVER in order for me to establish the likelihood that it might end up in my top ten list in December 2009, I need to actually listen to the song and as of right now, Popjustice offers a 30-second clip of the song BUT THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN FIND IT.
Anyone who's "in the know" with Saint Etienne, please get it on the Web somehow.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
When the remix is 173 times better than the original, example #200
Kylie Minogue had a song last year called "2 Hearts". It was the first single from her long-awaited album X. The entire campaign went a bit "tits up", as the Brits like to say; many attribute that whole fiasco to the fact that "2 Hearts" was the introduction to the album. It's not the worst song ever made, but it is a bit tedious (i.e., it's no "Can't Get You Out of My Head"). HOWEVER, a person/producer/remix group/whatever who call himself/herself/themselves Studio made a fairly incredible remix of "2 Hearts", and had the original mix taken its cue from this stunning version by Studio, I think X could have been salvaged.
Amazing, no?
Amazing, no?
Friday, December 12, 2008
FAQ about Mp3s and Cookies.
Question:
Why do you hate Beyonce so much?
Answer:
Beyonce is an overrated cow who continues to leap from success to success for reasons that I still find completely inexplicable, considering her music provides some of the poorest entertainment I have ever found in a modern pop star. I used to enjoy Beyonce back in Destiny's Child (then again I was 15, so cut me some slack here) and when she released "Crazy In Love". ALL RIGHT I GIVE HER CREDIT FOR THAT SONG, IT IS QUITE AMAZING. But then she released that Pink Panther single, and then "Deja Vu" was unleashed, and then the B'Day album and the 27 singles released from that album even though there were only ten tracks on that album, and then that Shakira duet and GOOD GOD WOMAN I have crusty old gym socks that are more enjoyable.
Question:
Why do you love Girls Aloud so much?
Answer:
The response to this question is basically the exact opposite of what I said about Beyonce. Girls Aloud are five entertaining girls full of personality, even if they lack strong vocal abilities (i.e., abilities to scream into your ears, in that Beyonce way of things). Girls Aloud also have the greatest songwriting/producing team ever (Xenomania) working with them and creating some of the most interesting, inventive, clever and amusing pop songs of the decade. Girls Aloud would never record a crap song like "Deja Vu", or "Check On It", or "If I Were A Boy", or whatever that new song is about being single and putting rings on it or something of that sort. Girls Aloud instead have recorded songs such as "The Show", "Love Machine", "Biology", "Graffiti My Soul", "It's Magic", "Sexy! No No No...", "Call The Shots", "The Loving Kind", "Watch Me Go", "Control Of the Knife", "Girl Overboard", "The Promise", "Untouchable", etc. etc. etc.
Question:
Why do you hate Christina Aguilera?
Answer:
Sure, she can cram 120 notes into a single lyric, but this doesn't excuse the abundance of terrible songs ("Keeps Getting Better", "Can't Hold Us Down", that entire album about how she travelled in a time machine back to 1943) and an ego the size of Amy Winehouse's hair. I would respect Christina more if she were a bit like Leona Lewis- "I've got a very good voice, yes, but I was also raised by human beings instead of being told every moment of my life that I am the queen of the universe". Whereas Ms. Aguilera's philosophy is- "I won a Grammy when I was 18, so obviously I'm the greatest force behind contemporary music and each time I dye my hair black or dress like a Taiwanese prostitute or blatantly rip off Marilyn Monroe it's just another astounding artistic statement, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla....(usually the sounds that I hear whenever I see her talking on the television)".
Question:
When are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs going to release their new album?
Answer:
Whenever they stop dicking around in the countryside or wherever the hell they are.
Question:
Why are you so rude and foul-mouthed in this blog?
Answer:
Because your mother's a whore.
Etc.
Why do you hate Beyonce so much?
Answer:
Beyonce is an overrated cow who continues to leap from success to success for reasons that I still find completely inexplicable, considering her music provides some of the poorest entertainment I have ever found in a modern pop star. I used to enjoy Beyonce back in Destiny's Child (then again I was 15, so cut me some slack here) and when she released "Crazy In Love". ALL RIGHT I GIVE HER CREDIT FOR THAT SONG, IT IS QUITE AMAZING. But then she released that Pink Panther single, and then "Deja Vu" was unleashed, and then the B'Day album and the 27 singles released from that album even though there were only ten tracks on that album, and then that Shakira duet and GOOD GOD WOMAN I have crusty old gym socks that are more enjoyable.
Question:
Why do you love Girls Aloud so much?
Answer:
The response to this question is basically the exact opposite of what I said about Beyonce. Girls Aloud are five entertaining girls full of personality, even if they lack strong vocal abilities (i.e., abilities to scream into your ears, in that Beyonce way of things). Girls Aloud also have the greatest songwriting/producing team ever (Xenomania) working with them and creating some of the most interesting, inventive, clever and amusing pop songs of the decade. Girls Aloud would never record a crap song like "Deja Vu", or "Check On It", or "If I Were A Boy", or whatever that new song is about being single and putting rings on it or something of that sort. Girls Aloud instead have recorded songs such as "The Show", "Love Machine", "Biology", "Graffiti My Soul", "It's Magic", "Sexy! No No No...", "Call The Shots", "The Loving Kind", "Watch Me Go", "Control Of the Knife", "Girl Overboard", "The Promise", "Untouchable", etc. etc. etc.
Question:
Why do you hate Christina Aguilera?
Answer:
Sure, she can cram 120 notes into a single lyric, but this doesn't excuse the abundance of terrible songs ("Keeps Getting Better", "Can't Hold Us Down", that entire album about how she travelled in a time machine back to 1943) and an ego the size of Amy Winehouse's hair. I would respect Christina more if she were a bit like Leona Lewis- "I've got a very good voice, yes, but I was also raised by human beings instead of being told every moment of my life that I am the queen of the universe". Whereas Ms. Aguilera's philosophy is- "I won a Grammy when I was 18, so obviously I'm the greatest force behind contemporary music and each time I dye my hair black or dress like a Taiwanese prostitute or blatantly rip off Marilyn Monroe it's just another astounding artistic statement, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla....(usually the sounds that I hear whenever I see her talking on the television)".
Question:
When are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs going to release their new album?
Answer:
Whenever they stop dicking around in the countryside or wherever the hell they are.
Question:
Why are you so rude and foul-mouthed in this blog?
Answer:
Because your mother's a whore.
Etc.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The US Top 10
Well here we go, let's see who's "tearing up the charts" on our end of the world.
10. Britney Spears "Womanizer"
Another week in the top 10 for Ms. Spears. Well done, young scout.
9. Ne-Yo "Miss Independent"
*Snores*
8. Kanye West "Love Lockdown"
A bit of an odd record but as rap/hip-hop goes, it's a bit more credible than, say, Soulja Boy.
7. Katy Perry "Hot 'N Cold"
Has no one tired of this song yet?
6. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy"
Well you're not a boy, so stop banging on about it and close your mouth.
5. T.I. "Whatever You Like"
Apparently this song is still making the rounds.
4. Lady GaGa "Just Dance"
A BRILLIANT ELECTROPOP TRACK (by someone other than Britney) HAS BROKEN THE US TOP TEN. PLANET EXPLODES.
3. Britney Spears "Circus"
Considering her MTV documentary didn't exactly interest as many people as expected, and she was a bit of a bore to watch when she performed on The X-Factor and Good Morning America, it is very good for Ms. Spears that "Circus", which is a very very good song, is her second top ten hit from the new album, and that the album itself has gone to number 1. If Blackout had made it to number 1 last year then she would have had herself a nice record of six consecutive number 1 albums, but we all know how that fiasco went down (too busy flashing her naked beaver for the paps; priorities, people) so the world will have to just settle for five non-consecutive number 1 albums.
2. Beyonce "Single Ladies (Put A Ring on It)"
Rubbish.
1. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life"
Just gets more and more obnoxious with each passing moment.
The general consensus of this week's top 10? Better than previous top 10s, considering as a standard Americans tend to have quite shit taste in music. OF COURSE WE COULD DO WITH A LITTLE LESS BEYONCE IN THE TOP TEN but you win some, you lose some.
10. Britney Spears "Womanizer"
Another week in the top 10 for Ms. Spears. Well done, young scout.
9. Ne-Yo "Miss Independent"
*Snores*
8. Kanye West "Love Lockdown"
A bit of an odd record but as rap/hip-hop goes, it's a bit more credible than, say, Soulja Boy.
7. Katy Perry "Hot 'N Cold"
Has no one tired of this song yet?
6. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy"
Well you're not a boy, so stop banging on about it and close your mouth.
5. T.I. "Whatever You Like"
Apparently this song is still making the rounds.
4. Lady GaGa "Just Dance"
A BRILLIANT ELECTROPOP TRACK (by someone other than Britney) HAS BROKEN THE US TOP TEN. PLANET EXPLODES.
3. Britney Spears "Circus"
Considering her MTV documentary didn't exactly interest as many people as expected, and she was a bit of a bore to watch when she performed on The X-Factor and Good Morning America, it is very good for Ms. Spears that "Circus", which is a very very good song, is her second top ten hit from the new album, and that the album itself has gone to number 1. If Blackout had made it to number 1 last year then she would have had herself a nice record of six consecutive number 1 albums, but we all know how that fiasco went down (too busy flashing her naked beaver for the paps; priorities, people) so the world will have to just settle for five non-consecutive number 1 albums.
2. Beyonce "Single Ladies (Put A Ring on It)"
Rubbish.
1. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life"
Just gets more and more obnoxious with each passing moment.
The general consensus of this week's top 10? Better than previous top 10s, considering as a standard Americans tend to have quite shit taste in music. OF COURSE WE COULD DO WITH A LITTLE LESS BEYONCE IN THE TOP TEN but you win some, you lose some.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Top Ten Albums of 2008
In this day and age of mp3s (and cookies...yucka yucka), iTunes, et cetera, albums do carry a whiff of uselessness about them. Nonetheless, there are a few good people that manage each year to create a few good LPs, and this is a rundown of my picks for 2008. A'here we go...
1. Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend deliver one of the year's best indie rock albums, filled with sprighty guitars and drums that would make The Strokes proud and bizarre touches of Afropop. Its snobby East Coast roots aside, Vampire Weekend is a satisfying ode to nerdy perspectives and the enigmas of being a 20-something kid raised on blogs and hipster tunes in the 21st century.
Highlights: "Oxford Comma", "A-Punk", "Campus"
2. Santogold, Santogold
Santogold's self-titled debut mixes indie rock, electronica, and new wave into a tight, easy-flowing package that successfully steers clear of mundane. It's a triumphant work that shows there are some individual voices still lingering in this manufactured industry.
Highlights: "L.E.S. Artistes", "Lights Out"
3. MGMT, Oracular Spectacular
Headbands and all, MGMT made a name for themselves in 2008 thanks to this endlessly pleasing record. Psychedelia takes the wheel here, crashing into the windows of synthpop and '80s funk, and leaving a trail of achingly good indie anthems in its wake.
Highlights: "Electric Feel", "Time to Pretend", "Kids"
4. Girls Aloud, Out Of Control
Continuing to trump even the most hardset pop cynics, Girls Aloud unleash another batch of quirky pop numbers delivered with the clever knowingness we've come to know and love about them. It's also their moodiest album to date, with even some of the upbeat tracks echoing a sense of longing and melancholy.
Highlights: "Untouchable", "Miss You Bow Wow", "The Loving Kind"
5. Goldfrapp, Seventh Tree
Think of this as the sound of Goldfrapp hanging up their dancing shoes and wanting to escape the nightclubs for the country. After exploring glam hedonism with Black Cherry and Supernature, the duo paints from a softer pallette this time around. Sprinkles of acoustic guitars and pianos layer themselves across dreamy, ambient landscapes. It's a weird progression, but a most welcome step-forward from one of the most interesting groups of our time.
Highlights: "A&E", "Happiness"
6. Crystal Castles, Crystal Castles
It can get a bit mundane, but the sampled-to-death style somehow works in the hands of Toronto's Crystal Castles. If Daft Punk hadn't gone and pissed off a generation with Human After All, their last album should have sounded something like this- icy electro with a bite behind its snarl.
Highlights: "Knights", "Crimewave", "Air War"
7. Hercules and Love Affair, Hercules and Love Affair
Who would have thought that an album chock-full of disco throwbacks would find itself one of the year's best-acclaimed releases? Hercules and Love Affair have succeeded in creating a unique re-imagining of glittering mirrorball nights, adding artsy touches to make it palatable for the hipster crowd.
Highlights: "You Belong", "Time Will", "Blind"
8. Tokyo Police Club, Elephant Shell
More pop than their excellent EPs were, Tokyo Police Club are nevertheless entertaining. In a world where they're running in the same leagues as pretentious indie bands, there's a delightful satisfaction in Tokyo's sprighty, guitar-chugging anthems, and in all it just makes the world a better place.
Highlights: "Tessellate", "Your English Is Good"
9. The Teenagers, Reality Check
Vapid and frothy like an episode of Gossip Girl, Reality Check nonetheless taps into the strange psyche of new millennium youth- we're bawdy, oversexed, drama-guzzling hedonists who crave instant satisfaction in a shiny package. The Teenagers have done precisely that- what-the-fuck songs packaged in sleek yet trashy synthpop and delivered with a wink and a lifted middle finger.
Highlights: "Homecoming", "Starlet Johansson"
10. of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Weird, wondorous, and just plain wacky, Kevin Barnes never fails to interest. Skeletal Lamping has been described as Barnes' black, cross-dressing alter ego Georgie Fruit trying to take over, resulting in the album's psychedelic swizzles that border the outrageous. If nothing else, it's the year's most adventurous album, even if it comes with a hangover.
Highlights: "Id Engager", "An Eluardian Instance"
1. Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend deliver one of the year's best indie rock albums, filled with sprighty guitars and drums that would make The Strokes proud and bizarre touches of Afropop. Its snobby East Coast roots aside, Vampire Weekend is a satisfying ode to nerdy perspectives and the enigmas of being a 20-something kid raised on blogs and hipster tunes in the 21st century.
Highlights: "Oxford Comma", "A-Punk", "Campus"
2. Santogold, Santogold
Santogold's self-titled debut mixes indie rock, electronica, and new wave into a tight, easy-flowing package that successfully steers clear of mundane. It's a triumphant work that shows there are some individual voices still lingering in this manufactured industry.
Highlights: "L.E.S. Artistes", "Lights Out"
3. MGMT, Oracular Spectacular
Headbands and all, MGMT made a name for themselves in 2008 thanks to this endlessly pleasing record. Psychedelia takes the wheel here, crashing into the windows of synthpop and '80s funk, and leaving a trail of achingly good indie anthems in its wake.
Highlights: "Electric Feel", "Time to Pretend", "Kids"
4. Girls Aloud, Out Of Control
Continuing to trump even the most hardset pop cynics, Girls Aloud unleash another batch of quirky pop numbers delivered with the clever knowingness we've come to know and love about them. It's also their moodiest album to date, with even some of the upbeat tracks echoing a sense of longing and melancholy.
Highlights: "Untouchable", "Miss You Bow Wow", "The Loving Kind"
5. Goldfrapp, Seventh Tree
Think of this as the sound of Goldfrapp hanging up their dancing shoes and wanting to escape the nightclubs for the country. After exploring glam hedonism with Black Cherry and Supernature, the duo paints from a softer pallette this time around. Sprinkles of acoustic guitars and pianos layer themselves across dreamy, ambient landscapes. It's a weird progression, but a most welcome step-forward from one of the most interesting groups of our time.
Highlights: "A&E", "Happiness"
6. Crystal Castles, Crystal Castles
It can get a bit mundane, but the sampled-to-death style somehow works in the hands of Toronto's Crystal Castles. If Daft Punk hadn't gone and pissed off a generation with Human After All, their last album should have sounded something like this- icy electro with a bite behind its snarl.
Highlights: "Knights", "Crimewave", "Air War"
7. Hercules and Love Affair, Hercules and Love Affair
Who would have thought that an album chock-full of disco throwbacks would find itself one of the year's best-acclaimed releases? Hercules and Love Affair have succeeded in creating a unique re-imagining of glittering mirrorball nights, adding artsy touches to make it palatable for the hipster crowd.
Highlights: "You Belong", "Time Will", "Blind"
8. Tokyo Police Club, Elephant Shell
More pop than their excellent EPs were, Tokyo Police Club are nevertheless entertaining. In a world where they're running in the same leagues as pretentious indie bands, there's a delightful satisfaction in Tokyo's sprighty, guitar-chugging anthems, and in all it just makes the world a better place.
Highlights: "Tessellate", "Your English Is Good"
9. The Teenagers, Reality Check
Vapid and frothy like an episode of Gossip Girl, Reality Check nonetheless taps into the strange psyche of new millennium youth- we're bawdy, oversexed, drama-guzzling hedonists who crave instant satisfaction in a shiny package. The Teenagers have done precisely that- what-the-fuck songs packaged in sleek yet trashy synthpop and delivered with a wink and a lifted middle finger.
Highlights: "Homecoming", "Starlet Johansson"
10. of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Weird, wondorous, and just plain wacky, Kevin Barnes never fails to interest. Skeletal Lamping has been described as Barnes' black, cross-dressing alter ego Georgie Fruit trying to take over, resulting in the album's psychedelic swizzles that border the outrageous. If nothing else, it's the year's most adventurous album, even if it comes with a hangover.
Highlights: "Id Engager", "An Eluardian Instance"
Saturday, December 6, 2008
MY OWN GRAMMYS.
Remember when I threw a fit about the Grammys? That was only two or three days ago. That should still be fresh in our minds. I decided that since clearly the music industry's "highest honor" is a complete joke, I'm going to make my own Grammy nominees. A-here we go.
Album of the Year:
Goldfrapp, Seventh Tree
Robyn, Robyn
Hercules and Love Affair, Hercules and Love Affair
Radiohead, In Rainbows
Record of the Year:
M.I.A., "Paper Planes"
MGMT, "Electric Feel"
Kings of Leon, "Sex On Fire"
Goldfrapp, "A&E"
Best New Artist:
Vampire Weekend
MGMT
Hercules and Love Affair
Sam Sparro
There. How's that? Keep it nice and simple, as opposed to all these awards shows that are fourteen hours long and feature such useless categories as "Best Smelling Recording Studio" or "Best Trannie Impersonation By a Pussycat Doll". Oh and I almost forgot one new category that I suggested the Academy add to the roster...
Worst Song By Aging Hyena That Needs to Retire:
Madonna, all of Hard Candy
And maybe Christina Aguilera's new "greatest hits" (heh, yeah right) CD, just for shits and giggles.
Random thought of the night...
Nearly two years on, The Shins' Wincing The Night Away is still an incredible album. No joke.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Hilary Duff Prize for Most Embarrassingly Good Songs of 2008
The Hilary Duff Prize for Most Embarrassingly Good Songs of 2008 is named for a certain "singer-slash-actress" named Hilary Duff, who was more or less a garish musical blemish for anyone over the age of 7 until she unleashed the singles "With Love" and "Stranger" in 2007, both of them shockingly good pieces of electronic pop.
This prize is bestowed upon songs that I cannot for the life of me help liking, in spite of the fact that they are recorded by people that normally create an urge to plunge daggers into my ears. So here we go, let's review the two recipients of this year's Hilary Duff Prize.
Danity Kane "Damaged"
I think it should be fairly obvious why a song by Danity Kane would be an embarrassing thing to like. But so help me baby Jesus if "Damaged" is not one of the catchiest pop songs of this year. Nevermind the fact that each member is completely useless to music (the same argument could be said about Girls Aloud...but because they're Girls Aloud I will hear no such thing against them); nevermind the fact that P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or Diddy or Combs or whatever the fuck he's calling himself these days is behind this group. Whatever the reasons, somebody in some high place decided to throw this nice little song their way, and it will probably be the last time I ever offer compliments to anything Danity Kane-related. Savor my good words while they last, ladies.
Ashlee Simpson "Outta My Head"
Again, no explanation needed for why no person with any sort of self-respect should admit to liking Ashlee Simpson. BUT, I pass no judgement to anyone who has taken a liking to "Outta My Head" sometime in the past twelve months. Certainly the edgiest thing she's done yet (edgy, as in "let's steal some ideas from Gwen Stefani, Madonna and Kylie Minogue by doing some psuedo '80s pop shtick, and then make a video in which clearly I've seen one too many Salvador Dali paintings). Anyway, well done etc.
I have a feeling I might have seriously damaged my street cred just now...
This prize is bestowed upon songs that I cannot for the life of me help liking, in spite of the fact that they are recorded by people that normally create an urge to plunge daggers into my ears. So here we go, let's review the two recipients of this year's Hilary Duff Prize.
Danity Kane "Damaged"
I think it should be fairly obvious why a song by Danity Kane would be an embarrassing thing to like. But so help me baby Jesus if "Damaged" is not one of the catchiest pop songs of this year. Nevermind the fact that each member is completely useless to music (the same argument could be said about Girls Aloud...but because they're Girls Aloud I will hear no such thing against them); nevermind the fact that P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or Diddy or Combs or whatever the fuck he's calling himself these days is behind this group. Whatever the reasons, somebody in some high place decided to throw this nice little song their way, and it will probably be the last time I ever offer compliments to anything Danity Kane-related. Savor my good words while they last, ladies.
Ashlee Simpson "Outta My Head"
Again, no explanation needed for why no person with any sort of self-respect should admit to liking Ashlee Simpson. BUT, I pass no judgement to anyone who has taken a liking to "Outta My Head" sometime in the past twelve months. Certainly the edgiest thing she's done yet (edgy, as in "let's steal some ideas from Gwen Stefani, Madonna and Kylie Minogue by doing some psuedo '80s pop shtick, and then make a video in which clearly I've seen one too many Salvador Dali paintings). Anyway, well done etc.
I have a feeling I might have seriously damaged my street cred just now...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Um...
The video for Girls Aloud's "The Loving Kind" has officially premiered.
!!!!
Calm down, calm down...
All right, here it is.
Key points:
Boxes.
Wind machines.
Heavy lipstick.
Breaking glass.
Who the hell told Cheryl that red headband looked good?
Kimberely (the other brunette, without the headband) is the goddess of my sex.
Nicola (the redhead one) is fucking amazing.
Overall, quite good. In comparison to the videos for "Biology" or "Something Kinda Ooooh", which look like they had a budget of about $30, this is quite quite good.
!!!!
Calm down, calm down...
All right, here it is.
Key points:
Boxes.
Wind machines.
Heavy lipstick.
Breaking glass.
Who the hell told Cheryl that red headband looked good?
Kimberely (the other brunette, without the headband) is the goddess of my sex.
Nicola (the redhead one) is fucking amazing.
Overall, quite good. In comparison to the videos for "Biology" or "Something Kinda Ooooh", which look like they had a budget of about $30, this is quite quite good.
2009 Grammy nominations...what have we learned?
That any jackass can get a Grammy nomination these days. No, really, any jackass.
Jonas Brothers, best new artist? Honestly?
Neo and Lil' Wayne both in the category for album of the year? Honestly?
"I Kissed A Girl" for best pop female vocal? Honestly?
"4 FUCKING MINUTES TO SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD" FOR BEST POP COLLABORATION????????? The fact that this song even garnered ANY Grammy nominations is completely unacceptable. Unless there is a category for "worst song by aging hyena that ought to retire". Then yes, go right ahead; in fact, nominate every song off Madonna's Hard Candy album for that category.
This isn't shocking, you know. The fact that at the 2000 Grammys, Britney Spears was a nominee for best new artist and the Backstreet Boys were nominated for album of the year clearly shows where the Academy's heads have been. (Don't get me wrong, I like Britney and all...I just don't think she deserves a Grammy)
The point is, the Grammys are supposedly about honoring the best in artistic integrity, and really it's about sales and popularity. Because Lil' Wayne, who has recieved the most nominees of any performer this year, is the first person I think of when I think of an innovative artiste.
There are some moments where the Grammys do get it right. For instance, nearly every song in the Best Dance Recording category lands on some level of "amazing" in my book. Examples:
Hot Chip "Ready For the Floor"
Daft Punk "Harder Better Faster Stronger" (about seven years late, but that's forgiveable)
Sam Sparro "Black And Gold"
These tracks represent innovation and creativity within contemporary music, as opposed to just being lazy and rehashing trends. Other nominees that I feel are rightfully honored are Kings of Leon, Gnarls Barkley, Beck, Radiohead, Death Cab For Cutie, Robyn, The Raconteurs. Bands and artists that are forward-thinking and actually possess talent. Which is what the Grammys SHOULD be about, but that's just beating an old dog to death, now isn't it?
Jonas Brothers, best new artist? Honestly?
Neo and Lil' Wayne both in the category for album of the year? Honestly?
"I Kissed A Girl" for best pop female vocal? Honestly?
"4 FUCKING MINUTES TO SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD" FOR BEST POP COLLABORATION????????? The fact that this song even garnered ANY Grammy nominations is completely unacceptable. Unless there is a category for "worst song by aging hyena that ought to retire". Then yes, go right ahead; in fact, nominate every song off Madonna's Hard Candy album for that category.
This isn't shocking, you know. The fact that at the 2000 Grammys, Britney Spears was a nominee for best new artist and the Backstreet Boys were nominated for album of the year clearly shows where the Academy's heads have been. (Don't get me wrong, I like Britney and all...I just don't think she deserves a Grammy)
The point is, the Grammys are supposedly about honoring the best in artistic integrity, and really it's about sales and popularity. Because Lil' Wayne, who has recieved the most nominees of any performer this year, is the first person I think of when I think of an innovative artiste.
There are some moments where the Grammys do get it right. For instance, nearly every song in the Best Dance Recording category lands on some level of "amazing" in my book. Examples:
Hot Chip "Ready For the Floor"
Daft Punk "Harder Better Faster Stronger" (about seven years late, but that's forgiveable)
Sam Sparro "Black And Gold"
These tracks represent innovation and creativity within contemporary music, as opposed to just being lazy and rehashing trends. Other nominees that I feel are rightfully honored are Kings of Leon, Gnarls Barkley, Beck, Radiohead, Death Cab For Cutie, Robyn, The Raconteurs. Bands and artists that are forward-thinking and actually possess talent. Which is what the Grammys SHOULD be about, but that's just beating an old dog to death, now isn't it?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Hang on to your heads...
We are onto the last month of 2008, and you know what that means. Yes, my list of the year's best music shall be coming very very soon.
You might agree with it, you might disagree with it. Either way, the world keeps spinning and I'll still keep slapping your mother's behind like any other Wednesday afternoon.
You might agree with it, you might disagree with it. Either way, the world keeps spinning and I'll still keep slapping your mother's behind like any other Wednesday afternoon.
Let's talk about a few new songs.
Britney Spears "Circus"
A bit more listenable than that other song about womanizing or whatever. Mostly because this actually has a decent chorus, as opposed to repeating the same word ten times over. It also has a fairly complex structure (for a Britney Spears song...let's not get too ahead of ourselves here) in that it goes verse - semi-bridge - main bridge - chorus - verse - semi-bridge - main bridge - chorus - breakdown - chorus. Some lyrics about her being the center of attention and what not is basically what this song is about, but lyrics in a Britney song have always been an after-thought considering she mostly just grunts and moans over some dance beats. Overall, quite good.
Vampire Weekend "Everywhere"
So they do a remake of basically one of Fleetwood Mac's best songs, and...the whole thing is a bit of a bore. Could have been something brilliant, but really a conversation about knitting socks with my grandmother is more exciting.
The Decemberists "Days Of Elaine"
Elaine was powerful enough to have days named after her. Like, instead of Monday, it's Elaineday. Or Tuesday shall be known as Elaineday. Wednesday will also become Elaineday. And then Thursday...are you ready for this? It's called (that's enough)
Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind"
It's the next Girls Aloud single, being released in January 2009. It was co-written by the Pet Shop Boys. It should have little trouble finding itself as the group's 20th top ten hit. It is properly amazing. It is also a bit sad. It is also a bit beautiful. It is also a bit gay. But gay in the good sense, not like "hey, let's go bum rush a London nightclub and start a riot when Britney refuses to sing." Oh, wait...
A Camp "Stronger Than Jesus"
If she weren't already someone's wife and if I were actually interested in women in the first place, I would propose marriage to Ms. Nina Persson. Not only is she the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, The Cardigans, whom I have loved since I was about eight years old, but she has one of the most pristine voices in contemporary music and a knack for writing beautiful, serene songs. So here is the first single from the next album by her side project, A Camp.
This is a very short clip, the full high quality clip wouldn't let me embed it. :(
A bit more listenable than that other song about womanizing or whatever. Mostly because this actually has a decent chorus, as opposed to repeating the same word ten times over. It also has a fairly complex structure (for a Britney Spears song...let's not get too ahead of ourselves here) in that it goes verse - semi-bridge - main bridge - chorus - verse - semi-bridge - main bridge - chorus - breakdown - chorus. Some lyrics about her being the center of attention and what not is basically what this song is about, but lyrics in a Britney song have always been an after-thought considering she mostly just grunts and moans over some dance beats. Overall, quite good.
Vampire Weekend "Everywhere"
So they do a remake of basically one of Fleetwood Mac's best songs, and...the whole thing is a bit of a bore. Could have been something brilliant, but really a conversation about knitting socks with my grandmother is more exciting.
The Decemberists "Days Of Elaine"
Elaine was powerful enough to have days named after her. Like, instead of Monday, it's Elaineday. Or Tuesday shall be known as Elaineday. Wednesday will also become Elaineday. And then Thursday...are you ready for this? It's called (that's enough)
Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind"
It's the next Girls Aloud single, being released in January 2009. It was co-written by the Pet Shop Boys. It should have little trouble finding itself as the group's 20th top ten hit. It is properly amazing. It is also a bit sad. It is also a bit beautiful. It is also a bit gay. But gay in the good sense, not like "hey, let's go bum rush a London nightclub and start a riot when Britney refuses to sing." Oh, wait...
A Camp "Stronger Than Jesus"
If she weren't already someone's wife and if I were actually interested in women in the first place, I would propose marriage to Ms. Nina Persson. Not only is she the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, The Cardigans, whom I have loved since I was about eight years old, but she has one of the most pristine voices in contemporary music and a knack for writing beautiful, serene songs. So here is the first single from the next album by her side project, A Camp.
This is a very short clip, the full high quality clip wouldn't let me embed it. :(
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The UK Top Ten.
What songs are currently the most popular among our friends across the pond this week? Let's have a look.
10. Girls Aloud "The Promise" - My five favorite ladies are enjoying yet another week in the top ten. The gods are favoring them right now.
9. Akon "Right Now (Nah Nah)" - Not even the Britons are immune to festering garbage like this.
8. X Factor Finalists "Hero" - Refer to the comments I made about the number 9 song.
7. Britney Spears "Womanizer" - Not as big of a hit over here as it was on our home turf. Then again, Britney wasn't wandering around London bald and without panties all last year, so maybe they just don't care.
6. Alesha Dixon "The Boy Does Nothing" - Considering it's a Xenomania track, a.k.a. pop meisters that are responsible for all of Girls Aloud's music (in other words- absolute genius), "The Boy Does Nothing" is possibly one of this year's most irritating singles.
5. Katy Perry "Hot 'N Cold" - Yawn. Not particularly interesting.
4. The Killers "Human" - You could say this song is doing slightly better in the UK than it did on our shores.
3. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy" - I'm still failing to understand the magnetic forces that the world's charts seem to have to Beyonce songs. How in the hell can this cow routinely deliver bad music and still land herself bigger hits each time?
2. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life" - "Mai A Hee" is certainly no work of art, that's for sure. But why botch up that song's amazing Euro-trashiness for some ghetto low-rida anthem? And how many times can we listen to Rihanna singing through Autotune? I mean, honestly.
1. Take That "Greatest Day" - Their comeback isn't stopping, apparently. Robbie Williams must be loving this.
Despite the presence of Beyonce and Akon, overall I'd say the UK Top 10 is far more agreeable than anything that reaches the top of America's charts. But we'll discuss that on Thursday when the Billboard charts are announced.
10. Girls Aloud "The Promise" - My five favorite ladies are enjoying yet another week in the top ten. The gods are favoring them right now.
9. Akon "Right Now (Nah Nah)" - Not even the Britons are immune to festering garbage like this.
8. X Factor Finalists "Hero" - Refer to the comments I made about the number 9 song.
7. Britney Spears "Womanizer" - Not as big of a hit over here as it was on our home turf. Then again, Britney wasn't wandering around London bald and without panties all last year, so maybe they just don't care.
6. Alesha Dixon "The Boy Does Nothing" - Considering it's a Xenomania track, a.k.a. pop meisters that are responsible for all of Girls Aloud's music (in other words- absolute genius), "The Boy Does Nothing" is possibly one of this year's most irritating singles.
5. Katy Perry "Hot 'N Cold" - Yawn. Not particularly interesting.
4. The Killers "Human" - You could say this song is doing slightly better in the UK than it did on our shores.
3. Beyonce "If I Were A Boy" - I'm still failing to understand the magnetic forces that the world's charts seem to have to Beyonce songs. How in the hell can this cow routinely deliver bad music and still land herself bigger hits each time?
2. T.I. featuring Rihanna "Live Your Life" - "Mai A Hee" is certainly no work of art, that's for sure. But why botch up that song's amazing Euro-trashiness for some ghetto low-rida anthem? And how many times can we listen to Rihanna singing through Autotune? I mean, honestly.
1. Take That "Greatest Day" - Their comeback isn't stopping, apparently. Robbie Williams must be loving this.
Despite the presence of Beyonce and Akon, overall I'd say the UK Top 10 is far more agreeable than anything that reaches the top of America's charts. But we'll discuss that on Thursday when the Billboard charts are announced.
Flashback alert.
Morrissey might scoff at the fact that someone like me - who lumps electronic, pre-fab European pop music among his favorite things to listen to - also enjoys The Smiths to a large degree. But I can't help it if they're amazing. If you ask people what their favorite Smiths song is, the majority of them would probably say "How Soon Is Now?" (or "Asleep", if you're a character in The Perks of Being A Wallflower), but for me, "This Charming Man" takes the cake. Morrissey himself said that writing the song was about eschewing many of the standards of mainstream gay culture back in the 1980s (which still exists in many forms today); he sought something that was more refined and sophisticated than the crude, macho facades of bears or leather daddies or other such aspects of homo-ism. Everything from the lush, brisk feel of the guitars to the intriguing story of a veiled flirtation between a young man stuck on a hill with his bicycle and the gentleman who offers him a lift in his luxurious car. It's a beautiful song, sharply contrasting to the decadance and synthesized assembly line music of the 1980s.
Anyway, enough of my attempts at refined babbling. Play the video if you want to hear "This Charming Man".
Anyway, enough of my attempts at refined babbling. Play the video if you want to hear "This Charming Man".
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tell you what...
If the Yeah Yeah Yeahs don't get on and release a new album already, trouble is coming their way.
Just saying...
Just saying...
Greetings, mortals.
Welcome, one and all, to Mp3's and Cookies. My little music blog. Here I'll be covering whatever happens to tickle my fancy in the good ol' world of tunes. Remain seated please, and keep all hands and arms inside.
I listen to everything from top 40 to indie to electronica to alternative to a bit of jazz, a bit of rock en Español to a bit of classical. Anything, really, except rap, r&b, and country. Or the Trinity of Terror, as I like to call it.
I could list the bands/artists that I will often be discussing in favorable words with, but that might take too long. So how about I list some of the bands/artists that I'll occassionally discuss that won't be finding much love and affection from my keypad -
Beyonce
Christina Aguilera
Lily Allen
Nickleback (isn't it a law by now that everyone should hate this band?)
Akon
Pretty much anything categorized under the aforementioned Trinity of Terror
There we go. Seems like we're getting off on the right foot here. Anyway, happy reading music fans. Feel free to leave your comments. If you agree with my tastes and my ramblings, then kudos to you. You get a cookie (along with that mp3). If you disagree with my tastes and my ramblings, then...toss off. I don't care in the least.
I listen to everything from top 40 to indie to electronica to alternative to a bit of jazz, a bit of rock en Español to a bit of classical. Anything, really, except rap, r&b, and country. Or the Trinity of Terror, as I like to call it.
I could list the bands/artists that I will often be discussing in favorable words with, but that might take too long. So how about I list some of the bands/artists that I'll occassionally discuss that won't be finding much love and affection from my keypad -
Beyonce
Christina Aguilera
Lily Allen
Nickleback (isn't it a law by now that everyone should hate this band?)
Akon
Pretty much anything categorized under the aforementioned Trinity of Terror
There we go. Seems like we're getting off on the right foot here. Anyway, happy reading music fans. Feel free to leave your comments. If you agree with my tastes and my ramblings, then kudos to you. You get a cookie (along with that mp3). If you disagree with my tastes and my ramblings, then...toss off. I don't care in the least.
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