End of the year is rapidly approaching viewers...

Yes, it's that time of year where we begin to tally the year's best and worst such-and-such. (With regard to music, of course) (Mostly pop music) (Etc.)

Right away, we can tell you who will be some of the winners of 2010:

Mini Viva (RIP...)
Rihanna
Marina and the Diamonds
Kylie
Natalia Kills

And some of the losers:

Black Eyed Peas
Cheryl Cole
Christina Aguilera

etc.

Keep tuned to this spot for more details.

Well at least something good is coming out of Mini Viva's demise...

Viewers, you can imagine our despair when we heard that Mini Viva is officially residing in splitsville. Not surprising, but very distressing news nonetheless, as they were really one of the best pop acts to appear in the last couple of years.

We do have some good news though...

Britt Love (the white girl in Mini Viva) announced via Facebook that she is going solo, and Mini Viva's YouTube channel posted a clip of one of Britt's tracks, titled "Playing the Game".




When we first heard this our heads exploded.

We have to admit that we always liked Britt a little better than Frankee. Sure, her vocals were a bit grating initially, but the more we've listened to them (which we think we have the authority to speak on since we've been obsessively playing "Left My Heart In Tokyo", "I Wish" and "One Touch" all year long) the more we've realized that she actually has a lot of personality and spunk in her singing.

"Playing the Game" starts off with this brilliant intro where she lustily says "I want you to suck...my...blood..." and BRILLIANTLY after she says "blood" it delves into this Halloween-esque organ (really, how genius is that?) before splintering into hands-in-the-air, keyboards-running-amuck synthpop. Think of what you'd expect Mini Viva to record, but slightly darker and a bit sassier.

Genius, viewers. Genius.

AMAZING POP TUNE ALERT

Meet Florrie. She has worked for some years as the in-house drummer for Xenomania (!) and is now attempting to break into pop in her own right. She's teamed up with the consistently good remixer Fred Falke for a number of downright excellent tunes. This is the one that's made the biggest impression upon these ears, "Fascinate Me".



It's quite what you'd expect from something out of the House of Xenomania: pop hooks that go straight for the jugular, catchy-as-the-clap choruses, bizarre lyrics, and plenty of "dance-ability".

Something even more amazing about this Florrie character? She's offering her music FOR FREE. FREE. You can download these amazing pop songs GUILT FREE WITHOUT PAYING A DIME. Imagine that, record labels, imagine that.

So now that you've played the YouTube clip, it would be in your best interest to march your ass on over to her site (http://florrie.com) and get yourself in on this amazing situation.

Nadine Coyle: 2. Cheryl Cole: 0

Here is the second amazing pop item to grace our ears today- A SAMPLER OF NADINE'S ALBUM.



Well done, Nadine. While the tracks here are certainly not going to break down any pop barriers, it's encouraging to know that Nadine's on the right track with her album. "Insatiable" is great, but we're especially loving the new tracks "Put Your Hands Up" and "Red Light". Sassy, electronic, pure pop to the max. Not only that, but these tracks are oozing to the brim with Nadine's jazzy personality.

We can't be thankful enough to the good Lord above that Nadine avoided an album chock-full of R&B ballads to "showcase" her pipes. Maybe Cheryl should have taken the hint.

Rihanna is ready to knock your socks off again.

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND PLAY THIS.



That is Ri-Rhi's new single, "What's My Name". As you can see, it's a change of pace from the brain-exploding, get-your-ass-up-and-rave stylings of "Only Girl (In The World)". Admittedly, the appeal of "Only Girl" wore off rather quickly (though we still like the song), but "What's My Name" is definitely something we can see ourselves being obsessed with for quite some time. It bears more than a few similarities with "Rude Boy", which is by no means a bad thing to these ears.

As we've said time and again, Miz Rihanna has yet to disappoint us with her musical offerings (Well except that God awful rap appearance where she wailed the chorus to "Mai-A-Hee").

Album Covergate 2010

Two popstars are currently responsible for rather atrocious album covers, an event which we shall call "Album Covergate 2010".

Subject 1: Cheryl Cole

Oh dear. First of all, someone explain the cheap Microsoft Photo Editor blur effect that is going on here. Someone also explain the cursive font that looks like it was done on the 1998 edition of Microsoft Word. Someone also explain the unflattering wardrobe and the fact that it looks like Cheryl NEEDS TO CHOW DOWN A SANDWICH OR THREE. GOOD GOD WOMAN.

Also kudos to Cheryl for having probably the worst album title of the year..

Subject 2: Sophie Ellis-Bextor


Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. For a woman who almost always gets it right from a stylistic standpoint, this cover is especially disappointing. The woman is gorgeous, and this photograph does not exactly showcase that. The outfit is absurd (what is she posing for, Good Housekeeping?), the font is ridiculous, and if that "Features the hit singles 'Bittersweet' and 'Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer'" disclaimer is actually part of the cover we're going to punch whoever is responsible. The fact that it's taken approximately 2,000 years for this album to come out (it's not even released until November 29) makes this all the more frustrating, but once it does reach our iTunes we're sure the horror of this cover will be all but forgotten.


Ladies, why don't you observe someone who knows how to make a proper album cover?



There we go. Perfect.

Dear UK music buyers,

Regarding Kylie's recent chart placement with "Get Outta My Way"...









WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWATS??????????????????????


NUMBER 12? ARE WE SERIOUS? ARE WE BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.






Kill yourselves. Please.


In case you need reminding of why this is the best track on Aphrodite, watch the video below and re-evaluate your existence.

Finally, a proper review on Nadine's song

Here we are, viewers, ready to finally sit down and take a stab at analyzing Nadine Coyle's first solo track, "Insatiable".

Now there's always going to be a whiff of uncertainty and expectation coming along with any Girls Aloud solo project. It happened just about this time last year when Cheryl Cole went solo, and in the sweetest of dreams it will happen when Nicola Roberts goes solo and becomes the most amazing dark electro-dance artist the world has ever seen (THINK ABOUT IT. WOULD SHE NOT BE PERFECT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. COME ON NIC.)

It was always inevitable, right from the get-go, that if/when Girls Aloud broke up and they started splintering into solo careers, Nadine would probably be the first to jump at the chance. She was the voice of the band, the only one who could really carry a track all by her stick-thin self (not to say that the other girls don't have good voices, but let's face it, none of them aside from Nicola have much personality behind them).

But then Cheryl got into the papers for beating up that nightclub attendant, Cheryl married the footballer, Cheryl got onto The X-Factor, Cheryl got into public feuds with Lily Allen and Charlotte Church, Cheryl got a divorce from her philandering footballer husband, and Cheryl ended up being the first one to steal Nadine's thunder (according to some), and strike out solo, and she became even more famous because of it. Was Cheryl's first solo record any good? Absolutely not, but it certainly proved that audiences were ready to lap her up without any second thought.

So here we are a year later. Still no signs of a Girls Aloud reunion on the near horizon, Cheryl is about to release her second solo album, and FINALLY Nadine gets her toothpick legs in gear and works on her album. For starters, her first single, "Insatiable", is very appropriate for her. Big, brassy, flamboyant, not the least-bit urban, very diva...it's exactly the type of song we hoped Nadine would record on her own. It suits her very well.

The big question is, is it any good? To some, that might be entirely irrelevant, because she's either going to succeed and then the Girls Aloud reunion will become even less imminent, or she will flop and then there will just be endless headlines pitting her alongside Cheryl's continued success.

For the record, "Insatiable" is quite good. We love Nadine's voice - we always have - and we can't get over just how perfect this song is for her. It is the complete opposite of our reaction to Cheryl's music when it first hit these ears, and that is something we're quite pleased to say. Whether there's an audience for her remains to be seen. She's a bit of a kooky one, admittedly. She hasn't connected with the public the way that Cheryl has, and by golly we salute anyone who can understand a single word she says when she speaks (trust us, YouTube an interview with her and you might as well be watching a documentary about amoebas in Hungarian). But we love the girl and we think "Insatiable" is a very promising start for her. The rest is for the record-buying public to decide.

Viewers, we apologize.

We briefly attempted to swing our affiliaton from Blogspot to Tumblr, but Tumblr is really quite obnoxious in our opinion. So we're back here at Blogspot. Have no fear.

Anyway, we need to discuss something here....

NADINE FUCKING COYLE.

Of course, you know who she is. She is the Irish lass in Girls Aloud, she's as thin as a toothpick and when she speaks you can't understand a bloody word coming out of her pretty lips but the lady can sing her ass off.

Like her bandmate Cheryl Cole, she's launching her solo career. Unlike Cheryl Cole, Nadine's solo career actually seems like something that won't make us want to shove our brains into a meat grinder.

Her first single "Insatiable" is FRIGGIN' FANTASTIC. Fantastic, viewers. We love it. And when we get the chance we'll post it for you on here and give you a detailed review of it. But for now, just be aware that Miz Coyle is ready to knock your socks off.

Well, it's official...

"Get Outta My Way" is a barnstorming, shut-the-fuck-up-and-throw-your-hands-in-the-air moment of pop euphoria that will probably become our favorite moment on Kylie's new album Aphrodite.

We just had to get that out of the way.

Rachel Stevens...A look back, five years later

It's been five years since Rachel Stevens released Come And Get It. To sort of sum things up, Come And Get It is one of its decade's most stylish, brilliantly executed pop records. It got rave reviews from the British press upon its release, but its singles all performed below expectations, and the album itself limped somewhere into the top 30 on the charts before disappearing from sight. In a world where there are numerous pop injustices, this was truly the greatest of them all.

"What happened with Come And Get It?", many have asked. It's not an entirely pointless question. It had all the makings of a pop success. Good looking female singer- check. Established pop credentials- check (she was a member of S Club 7...not exactly credible, but established nonetheless). Slew of top producers- check. So what got bungled up along the way?

We believe the project failed because it had no real idea which audience to aim itself at. The pop landscape was a bizarre one in 2005. Girls Aloud got lucky, but most other pop heroes were falling on their swords as people turned more and more to indie rock or hip-hop. Rachel Stevens was the prim-and-perfect, Grade-A pop starlet primed for success, armed with the right ammunition, and audiences were turned off by that. Girls Aloud remained successful because they had always been a bit of a hodgepodge, rough-around-the-edges gang, but Rachel was too pretty, the package was too sleek, too commercial. There was no real audience lapping it up, and as a result Come And Get It tanked the way it did.

That doesn't remove the fact that it is a fucking incredible pop album. Critics accused her of being detached and sounding completely disinterested in her singing, but Christ on a bike who cares when the songs are just so good? She got producers like Xenomania (amazing), Richard X (amazing), Rob Davis (amazing), Hannah Robinson (amazing), Jewels and Stone (amazing), and so many more to throw the best batch of pop that money can buy into her perfectly toned lap. The results were splendid, even if only ten people gave a shit.

Let's have a listen to some of Come And Get It's more amazing moments:

"Crazy Boys"
Like 2004's massively wonderful "Some Girls" (which also made its way onto this album), Richard X dresses up "Crazy Boys" as a rough, not-quite-finished slice of industrial pop. When that chorus kicks in though, everything seamlessly comes together and the listener is left in a state of sheer euphoria.



"So Good"
The Kylie-esque video aside, "So Good" is...well, so good. A sort of "I Will Survive" for the 20th century, as one review put it, which might be stretching things a bit, but as a harmless piece of electro-pop, high marks all around.



"Funny How"
Ah, Xenomania, you can do no wrong.



"I Will Be There"
If Depeche Mode produced a song written by Dianne Warren for Britney Spears, it might sound something like this. We know that description doesn't exactly sound promising, but trust us, it's worth the listen.

'90s flashback, part 543

Everyone enjoys a raunchy tune every now and then. Few pop songs come as raunchier as Monifah's "Touch It" (particularly in the lyric "I want it more and more when you call my name and spank me"), but few pop songs also come as amazing as Monifah's "Touch It" (the brilliant sampling of Laid Back's "White Horse").

"Touch It" was a sizeable hit back in 1998, reaching No.9 on the Billboard singles chart. We feel that if this song were released in 2010 it would also be a fairly big hit, considering the Euro-sounding groove and synths.



(Wikipedia described "White Horse", which "Touch It" basically lifts its entire sound from, as a "crossover post-disco" song, so make of that what you will.)

(Aso, we're not really sure what's going on with the video's whole "Monifah performs for the troops" motif, but at least they're being realistic in realizing that most soldiers just want to see some pussy rather than some dolled-up Barbie yelling a jazz tune in their ears.)

Some new Kylie developments to throw your way...

We're getting ever so closer to the release of Kylie's new album, and a couple of things out in "cyberpsace" have been heightening our anticipation.

1) Aphrodite megamix
*EXPLODES* was basically our reaction when we stumbled across this...


This is a megamix comprised of six tracks from Aphrodite- "Get Out of My Way", "Cupid Boy", Can't Beat The Feeling", "Too Much", "Put Your Hands Up", "Aphrodite".

For the record, "GET OUT OF MY WAY" LOOKS SET TO BE ONE OF 2010's TOP POP MOMENTS. Good Lord, the preview of this song has set our eardrums alight. We're in love.

We admit that none of the other tracks really impressed us in the same way..."Cupid Boy" seems very stagnant and awkward, and "Aphrodite" reminds us of "Nu-Di-Ty" on the X album. Trust us, that was not a compliment.

Further assessment is needed, however, before we can pass full judgement.

Then there's the b-side to the new single "All The Lovers". It's called "Go Hard or Go Home". Not a particularly outstanding track (hence its b-side status...the only people in pop who seem capable of turning out excellent b-sides are Girls Aloud), but it is a fun dance track that is definitely giving us a good idea of what to expect from Aphrodite- celebratory, feel-good pop. And really, we don't find anything wrong in that.



Oh Kylie, you temptress...

All right...here we go...

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" is one of the greatest singles of recent years.

We know, we know...this has come as a shock to most of you avid readers of Mp3s and Cookies (....crickets....crickets....), and it's only been recently that we've finally thrown up our hands in defeat and embrace the song.

What is so great about it? It's not the most revolutionary tune out there, Madonna's done something similar before, Kylie's done something similar before. But there's something at the very core of "Bad Romance" that is strictly, 100% Gaga, and for that we have to give her kudos. The song is desperate and rabid while in the same instance cold, mechanical and militaristic. It sounds like German techno, a little "industrial" (not in the Rammstein sense, mind you...); it almost sounds like something that could single-handedly ignite an Eastern European revolution.

Then there's that hook, "Ra Ra Ra-A-A-, Ro-Ma-A-A-A"...it speaks a thousand words about the Gaga revolution that has taken the world by storm this past year. As much as we tried to fight off Gaga, as much as we pronounced ourselves unimpressed and irritated with everything pertaining to her, it is useless to deny that this fag-loving queen from New York has the entire music world clasped inside one sequined iron fist, and that "Ga-Ga-Oo-La-La" refrain is the calling of an entire generation of Gaga monsters.

So, viewers, we admit defeat, and we embrace the glory that is "Bad Romance". Please do not judge us for this.

Bextor Overload

Over the years, Sophie Ellis-Bextor has proven to be one of our favorite popstars. Not only is the woman drop-dead gorgeous, but she has a terribly keen sense of picking excellent pop singles.

She's currently promoting her forthcoming album, Straight to the Heart, due in August, and she's got two cracking singles currently "making the rounds".

One of them is "Can't Fight This Feeling", which sees her as a featured vocalist with French DJ Junior Caldera. It reminds us of your standard '90s club jam and is packed with a killer, straight-for-the-jugular chorus. It is a fantastically gay three and a half minutes.


(excuse the rather naff video)



Then we have "Bittersweet", which is the official lead-off track from her album. Produced by the Freemasons (who, as you'll remember, worked with her on "Heartbreak (Make Me A Dancer)", one of our top 20 songs of 2009), "Bittersweet" is essentially everything you've come to expect from such a collaboration. Freemasons throw in their typical brand of thudding '80s house sounds, Sophie sounds as posh and disinterested as ever, and really it's just spectacular (if slightly unremarkable...but in the business of pop, unremarkability isn't always the key).


(we personally like the radio edit more than the Freemasons remix, but that's just us)

Speaking of not feeling myself tonight...

It has finally come to our attention, after a very long and painful personal struggle, that Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" is an amazing record.

We will elaborate upon this revelation with a detailed editorial piece explaining exactly why this song is incredible.

Stay tuned.

Here we go again...

Ladies and gentlemen, here is yet another argument of why we think Christina Aguilera is the worst kind of modern popstar.

She's on the verge of unleashing her new album Bionic, and judging by the first single "Not Myself Tonight...good Lord...the signs are not promising.

"Not Myself Tonight" is an overly desperate paean to "being out of control", "if you don't like it fuck you", basically everything Christina's been whining about since Stripped. EIGHT YEARS AGO.

Herein lies our problem with la Aguilera: her constant babbling every time she has a new record out about how it’s a “new sound”, how she’s pushing the envelope when in reality she’s recycling work done by plenty of other people, often times with infinitely better results. This is what she had to say about her current album, Bionic – “I was able to explore and create a fresh, sexy feel using both electronic and organic elements with subject matter ranging from playful to introspective. I am so excited for my fans to hear the new sound. It is something I don't think anyone will expect.”

Yes, Christina, you’re absolutely right, it’s not something anyone would expect. Never mind the fact that other musicians (“musicians”) like Lady Gaga, Timbaland, David Guetta, even Ke$ha (believe us, it was very painful to use her as a reference) have helped to usher in a current wave of dance/electronic-inspired music that has become quite successful in America. No, Christina, we apologize, for YOU had a visionary idea by jumping onto this current bandwagon. Never mind the fact that Kylie Minogue and Madonna have sold millions of records for decades off of this sound while barely breaking a sweat.

One of her producers, Tricky Stewart, even went so far as to say this about Bionic – “With Christina it's a little different, because Christina wants music that you haven't heard before. She did things that she's never necessarily heard on the radio. She doesn't want a record that sounds like anything else so you're trying to create an entirely new sound for an artist.”

This one quote in particular just really gets under our skin – “Christina did things that she’s never necessarily heard on the radio.” OH, THAT'S FUNNY, I COULD'VE SWORN "NOT MYSELF TONIGHT" SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE SOMETHING FROM LADY GAGA'S OR BRITNEY SPEARS' LAST ALBUMS. MY MISTAKE.

So in case you all were wondering why we have such a vehement hatred towards the Aguilera and all that she stands for, we hope this shed a very helpful light on all of that.

*EXPLODES*

That, ladies and gentleman, was the brand new Kylie Minogue single, "All The Lovers".

If we had to compare it to previous Kylie hits, we'd perhaps describe it as a cross between "I Believe In You", "Spinning Around" and "The One". Basically, three of her finest tunes.

"All The Lovers" is as euphoric and elegant as any Kylie fan could hope for her major comeback single to be. There is none of this underwhelming, "let's put on a good face and try to like it simply because it's Kylie" feeling that we had when we heard "2 Hearts" as the taster single for her last album. None of that at all. This is our third time listening to "All The Lovers" in the past 10 minutes, and we can say with full confidence that this is exactly the sort of record we hoped Kylie would return with. It's not going to change the world, it's certainly not as revolutionary as "Can't Get You Out of My Head", but in comparison to the relatively lackluster material on display on X, "All The Lovers" is a triumphant "return to form" (let's be honest, the last time Kylie did something other than dance-pop was back in 1998) and is already one of 2010's finest singles. What a fantastic way to start the summer.

Go ahead and put the above video clip on repeat. Don't be ashamed.

Not a cruel summer at all...

Viewers, this is looking to be a strong summer for pop music. Here are a few examples of why.

Alphabeat "DJ"
This army of Danish pop soldiers knocked out a fairly good song, "Fascination", a couple of years back. Their latest album, The Beat Is..., explores a more "synthy", Europop side with some fantastic results. The new single "DJ" (also called "I Could Be Dancing", for those of you who can't remember proper song titles) is precisely the sort of feel-good song you want to hear on a lush summer evening by the pool. It's optimistic and relentlessly catchy, and in these times who doesn't want to hear music of that nature?




M.I.A. "XXXO"
Two years since she jetted from the blogosphere to the top 10 with the ubiquitous "Paper Planes", everyone's favorite Sri Lankan popstar is back with a new record. The single "XXXO" is a dark, throbbing piece of electropop that takes a different step from her trademark hip-hop-meets-world-music sound, and yet it sounds exactly like the sort of song you'd expect from M.I.A. This should be massive.



Mini Viva "One Touch"
This song was released on Monday and its chart results are less than stunning, which will sadly mark the second flop single in a row from Mini Viva. Which means they will probably be dropped from their label, or certainly eschewed to the back of their promotion line, and that means that we might possibly not get to hear a full-length Mini Viva album later this year. Which is certainly a disappointment as their three singles have all been fantastic and an album full of Xenomania-helmed Mini Viva songs would be guaranteed to knock any pop fan's socks off. That being said, we're throwing Mini Viva a bone here by naming "One Touch" one of the songs to enjoy this forthcoming summer with.




Kylie Minogue "The New Album"
Much to our impatient dismay, we've heard nothing of Kylie's forthcoming single "All The Lovers" other than an instrumental snippet that promises to be quite good. We think Kylie's brand of dance-pop music is the perfect soundtrack for this time of year, and we're looking forward to Aphrodite being the album that really sets summer 2010 alight.

SOME EXCITING NEWS

Kylie Minogue announced today on her official website that she will be releasing her new album, titled Aphrodite, on July 5.





The first single, "All The Lovers", will be arriving June 28. (Translation: we will have a leaked version and the video sometime within the next month)





As you can imagine, this is incredibly exciting news for us here at Mp3s and Cookies, as Kylie does make up part of our Holy Trinity of Pop. The Holy Trinity of Pop, in case you were unaware, is Girls Aloud, Kylie Minogue and Everything By Xenomania.





Anyway...





The details that Kylie has given on this forthcoming album are nothing short of promising. Her label Parlophone describes the album as a celebration of her dance-floor roots, and Aphrodite's executive producer, Stuart Price (who produced Madonna's Confessions On a Dancefloor album...we're trying to forgive him for that) has said that "All The Lovers" is everything we would want in a Kylie single.





That's pretty encouraging news.





Let's take a look at the album sleeve...





Incredible. It's lovely, it's classy, it screams "big gay pop music". What more could we want from Kylie?

We have to admit, viewers, that we feel infinitely more excited about Aphrodite than we did in the weeks leading up to the release of X (three years ago...my how time flies). Something about this project feels much more inviting, much warmer, whereas X felt a bit cold and unenthusiastic. We think the fact that Kylie is releasing the album in summer is a fantastic idea, as Kylie's music tends to be songs that make you want to dance your tits off to during the good ol' summertime.


Fantastic news, indeed.

What's new on the Mini Viva front?

Mini Viva, as you are aware, have done a stellar job of going from being completely obscure to being a completely amazing new pop group in the last four or five months.

They have a new single on the way, called "One Touch". If we had to describe "One Touch" in one word, it would be

JFSDKLJF SDO;HGIOZDUIZDUIZDUIZDUIZDUIZDUIZDUIZDUIGEOTJU89 URWHNVDJOCVP ZFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHSLD'[EWITHJ8U41209834-483 UJ89SDU90480-3IFJSD!!!!!!!

Which we realize isn't one word but nonetheless that basically says that "One Touch" is FUCKING INCREDIBLE.

Yes, it was necessary to throw in the expletive, because saying it is merely incredible does not do the song proper justice. It will probably end up as one of our top 10 favorite pop songs of 2010.

Unfortunately it's not available yet on YouTube or as an illegal mp3 (believe us...we've tried...) so for now you'll just have to stick to our insistence that it is a FUCKING INCREDIBLE pop song.

STOP EVERYTHING

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Viewers! Where have you been? Or rather, where have WE been?

Basically we needed a break to "refuel" our "ammunition", if you will. It was a difficult time (not really) and we know that many of you were disappointed with our hiatus (not really), but luckily for all of you (not really) WE'RE BACK.

Who's on our radars lately?

MINI VIVA!

GIRLS ALOUD!

RIHANNA!

GOLDFRAPP!

THAT DREADFUL NEW SINGLE FROM CASCADA THAT KEEPS POPPING UP ON OUR iTUNES PLAYLIST!

So basically, business as usual for us around here. Anyway, we'll get back into the swing of things tomorrow, so hold on to your hats for just a little bit longer.