The Vowels of What We're Hoping For in 2009.

A -
Avalanche that will destroy Christina Aguilera's recording studio containing the masters of the new album that she is supposedly working on, since nobody gave two shits about her "greatest hits" and that single about things getting better (I still wake up giggling just thinking about that).

E-
Extended vacation for Girls Aloud, who announced they'll be taking some time off after promoting "The Loving Kind" and before going on tour in May. Listen, Girls, you know I love you with a big gay love that only a small gay man like myself can give. However, I think it's safe to say that Out Of Control felt a bit rushed (i.e., nothing as amazing as "Sexy! No No No...", "Girl Overboard", "Black Jacks", "Control Of the Knife"...all right the entire Tangled Up album). So let's say you promote "The Loving Kind", go on tour, then release one more single (preferrably "Untouchable" IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU), and then don't release a new album until 2010 when Brian and Miranda have had sufficient time to come up with something as good as, oh, I don't know, "Biology".

ps - this means those rumors about teaming up with Take That for 2009's Comic Relief had better be nothing more than sick, sick rumors.

I-
Incredible new single called "Methods of Modern Love" from Saint Etienne. It's arriving in February and praise the skies above, it's already January.

O-
O, Karen, plus those other two blokes. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND LET'S SEE ANOTHER YEAH YEAH YEAHS ALBUM THIS YEAR.

U-
Uniting people against all things Beyonce. You're playing some famous old singer in some movie about some old record label. So why don't we focus on the acting bit and take a break from music for a while (i.e. forever).