The 2009 VMAs...or, How To Continue Being Culturally Useless

Well in case you've lived under a rock, you knew that the 2009 MTV VMAs were held a few days ago, and the only reason you might have known about it is because of Kanye-Swiftgate and how Lady Gaga bled all over the stage.

There's no need to rehash the details of Kanye-Swiftgate and how he's a dirtbag, shame on him, poor little girl, oh wasn't that nice of Beyonce, bla bla bla bla bla bla zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

But you've got to admit, this picture says everything - look at how unbelievably embarrassed she looks.







All right, that's done and over with.

Moving on.

Lady Gaga is continuing to baffle us. One can't help but wonder whether she is just one very elaborate hoax on the entire music-gobbling public. That a glorified drag queen who continues to chart hit after hit, though each single continues to sound dangerously like the previous one, while she's wearing Kermit the Frog or dressed like the Mad Hatter and wearing one-piece leotards that just barely cover the crotch while walking around London in December...it's just too absurd to be real.


Then she goes and pulls the following nonsense at the VMAs. First, she walks in wearing this -














...

And then she gets on stage looking like this -












....

And then she accepts her award for Best New Artist looking like this -











And after that she wore what appeared to be a bird's nest around her face but we can't find any pictures of it.

The point of all this is to state the fact that...WE DON'T GET IT. Could someone explain this to us? Because this whole Lady Gaga thing is flying clear over our heads. We don't like her music, we don't get her "fashion", we just don't get it and frankly we're tired of it. If Girls Aloud are considered "safe" or "boring" by comparison, well at least listening to "Biology" or "The Promise" doesn't make me want to set my toes on fire like "Poker Face" Or "Paparazzi" might.

THAT BEING SAID.

Beyonce won Video of the Year for "Single Ladies". Hmmm, it's interesting that three women dressed in leotards performing some ridiculous choreography is considered the most important contribution to the musical video in 2009, but hey, what do we know?